“I DO” – Part 1
The marriage between a man and a woman must be viewed as a covenant before God and therefore it must taken seriously. Breaking a marriage relationship with your spouse affects greatly your relationship with God unless the reasons for doing so are in line with the Scriptures. (Matthew 19:9) The covenant deal is so powerful such that even the traditional Christian wedding services have both a set of questions as well as a set of vows regarding this covenant.
Among the questions, each spouse is asked something like this: “Will you have this woman to be your wife? Will you make your promise to her in all love and honor, in all duty and service, in all faith and tenderness—to live with her, and cherish her, according to the ordinance of God, in the holy bond of marriage?” Each spouse answers “I will” or “I do”.
These are the most powerful words in the beginning of any marriage. They can also be viewed or construed as COVENANT words. Let us look closely at the deeper meaning of these two words “I DO”. I want you to notice that when couples declare to each other “I do”, they are not speaking to each other – they are looking forward and technically answering the minister, who asks them the questions. What they are really doing is making a vow to God before they turn and make vows to one another. They are “speaking vertically” before they speak horizontally. They get to hear the other person stand up before God, their families, and all the authority structures of church and state and swear loyalty and faithfulness to each other. Now, building on this foundation, they take one another by the hand and say something like this:“ I take you to be my lawful and wedded husband, and I do promise and covenant, before God and these witnesses, to be your loving and faithful wife. In plenty and in want, in joy and in sorrow, in sickness and in health, as long as we both shall live”. Let us visualize the frame structure of a physical home. The two sides of the home meet at the top and hold one another up. But underneath, the foundation holds up both of these sides. So it is the same, the marriage vows exchanged between couples at the alters before witnesses and before God strengthens the couples to make a covenant with each other. Marriage is therefore the deepest of human covenants.
Examples of Biblical Covenants
There are literally Biblical covenants everywhere throughout the Bible. “Horizontal” covenants were made between human beings. We see them established between close friends (1 Samuel 18:3; 20:16) as well as between nations. But the most prominent covenants in the Bible are “vertical,” covenants made by God with individuals (Genesis 17:2) as well as with families and peoples (Exodus 19:5). In Ephesians 5:31, Paul evokes the idea of the covenant when he fully quotes Genesis 2:24, perhaps the most well-known text in the Old Testament regarding marriage which says “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh” (Genesis 2:24).
Covenantal verses Consumer relationships
We must understand that when we get married, we are entering into a covenantal relationship and NOT a consumer relationship. In order for our marriages to survive and thrive, we must maintain the vows we made in the beginning assuring each other of their commitment. Throughout history there have always been consumer relationships. Such a relationship lasts only as long as the vendor meets your needs at a cost acceptable to you. If another vendor delivers better services or the same services at a better cost, you have no obligation to stay in a relationship to the original vendor. In consumer relationships, it could be said that the individual’s needs are more important than the relationship.
Covenantal relationships are binding. It does not matter what you find out later, you promised to love her or Him till death separates you. It is a serious commitment and that is why we need to pray and consult God prior to making this kind of commitment. In this type of a covenant, the good of the relationship takes precedence over the immediate needs of the individual. For example, a parent may get little emotionally out of caring for an infant. But there has always been an enormous social stigma attached to any parent who gives up their children because rearing them is too hard and unrewarding. For most people, the very idea of that is unthinkable. Why? Society still considers the parent-child relationship to be a covenantal one, not a consumer relationship.
Today we stay connected to people only as long as they are meeting our particular needs at an acceptable cost to us. When we cease to make a profit—that is, when the relationship appears to require more love and affirmation from us than we are getting back—then we “cut our losses” and drop the relationship. This has also been called “commodification,” a process by which social relationships are reduced to economic exchange relationships, and so the very idea of “covenant” is disappearing in our culture. Covenant is therefore a concept that is increasingly foreign to us. We must embrace the Bible as the final guide regarding marriage and NOT mare natural human counselling.
When my wife and I were separated for almost 9,000 miles away from each other for over two years, we loved each other even more. We communicated daily especially regarding matters of the Kingdom as well as our family matters and business dealings. We are more united and deeper in love for each other now than when we first met. Why? because of this same revelation from the Bible. God is so awesome! Love Him more – Love you spouse and finally love your family all people equally.
Someone asked “Which factor in such a relationship would then lead to a divorce?”
We must first realize that any covenant—including the marriage covenant—is a binding, weighty obligation. In Proverbs 20:25 we read, “It is a trap for a man to dedicate something rashly and only later to consider his vows” (NIV). Deuteronomy 23:23 says, “You shall be careful to perform what goes out from your lips, just as you have voluntarily vowed to the Lord your God what you have promised.” Jesus said that “every careless word that men shall speak, they shall render account for it in the day of judgment” (Matthew 12:36).
The Biblical Exceptions
In Matthew chapter 19, after Jesus referred to God’s original purpose for marriage, He is asked, “Why then did Moses command to give her a certificate of divorce and send her away?” Jesus then answers, “Because of your hardness of heart, Moses permitted you to divorce your wives; but from the beginning it has not been this way. And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery” (Matthew 19:7-9). Another passage, 1 Corinthians 7:15-17, tells us: “Yet if the unbelieving one leaves, let him leave; the brother or the sister is not under bondage in such cases, but God has called us to peace. For how do you know, O wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, O husband, whether you will save your wife? Only, as the Lord has assigned to each one, as God has called each, in this manner let him walk”. Hope you enjoyed this blog. Make sure to share it with a friend. Blessings!
Click here to read the Blog; “I DO” – Part 2
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